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Saturday, March 26, 2016

Peer Review 9b

 Peer review is an important part of the editing process. Below is a peer review for Brady Thomas's Essay on Electrical Engineering communication.
 
1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed
Brady Thomas
 
2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed
3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed
For this peer review I decided to do a Copy-editing review of Brady's Rough Draft.
 
4. The review.
Brady, I found your introductory paragraph well rounded and that it does a great job of introducing the three genres and the two rhetorical strategies you are analyzing. A small thing that you might want to change is in the sentce where you introduced the genres, you said "They write textbooks on foundational material, they present findings at conferences to organizations, or they publish their findings in a peer-reviewed academic journal." I think instead of saying or you should say and because otherwise I feel like professionals in the field only do one genre. Like I said earlier this is just a small change you might want to consider, but everything else in the paragraph is great.
 
As for the body paragraphs they do a good job of explaining  how each genre uses the two rhetorical strategies. There are two things that are slighly confusing and distracting. In the last two paragraphs you describe the genre conventions of the two genres but don't go into any genre conventions in the first body paragraph. The second thing is that your paragraphs are hard to read. I know that it is supposed to be a college essay so there are supposed to be long paragraphs but I think your third body paragraph needs to be split up. It is hard to follow a 1 page, single spaced paragraph. One exceptionally good part of your body paragraphs is your use of evidense and analysis.
 
Your conclusion paragraph is very confusing. The first sentence made me go back and read it twice to understand what you were saying. The re-introduction of the thesis feels like an after thought and doesn't mention the genres. Try going from specifics concerning your essay to more general statements instead of going from vague to specific to general.
 
Overall it is a good essay that needs a few tweaks to make it great again. Kinda like America... Talk to Trump, he can help you.

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